Sometimes, writing is my way of escape or having something to look forward to. Work is good but can get monotonous. Kids are great most of the time but not very intellectually stimulating at the moment. It’s just sticking to a routine and keeping them well and happy. And even though my writing is not very intellectual or very stimulating, it gives me something to look forward to. The possibility of all the things that you can do on a blog and make it look pretty and make it do stuff is something I can dream about.
Apparently you can make money on blogs. That does involve selling stuff or getting paid adverts and having lots of followers. It doesn’t come automatically but this is all very new and technical and also quite exciting. Maybe, if I can understand the IT behind it all, I can earn another income on the side? But then the flip side is that there are so many people already doing this, what can I add that is different? So in an attempt to learn the IT, I bought some children books on computers and have started reading it with my girls. They’re only 5 and 3 but it’s a lift the flap book so lifting panels keep them entertained!
Also writing takes a lot of time and spending time writing when I could be working and trying to earn more money which makes me feel guilty. I’ve started an online blogging course which is good but makes me want to start at least three blogs about different things but I think I should just stick to one for now and get to grips with it.
Maybe it’s the fact that I found some of my university maths and chemistry revision notes that I had made, which at some point in my life I did understand but now seem so technical and confusing. Now I’m sitting here thinking I used to be so clever and I had dreams of doing so much with a career in accountancy. I got married, I still had my career but it came second to being married and doing family stuff. Then I had kids, so my career took a further back seat. Thing is everything I have done was what I wanted. I wanted to fall in love and get married and I wanted to have kids and be a mum. I might not be very good at either but it was what I wanted to do. With both I could have still had a career but maybe I wasn’t passionate about it to leave my kids with someone else and spend so little time at home with my husband and kids for this career.
It’s just that every now and then, my career or all my past studying pops its head up and says, remember me? And I do and I don’t want to let go but I still haven’t figured how to do everything or if I will ever be able to resuscitate my career or understand the amazing Maths that I used to do.
This can get so confusing for me but the other thing I worry about is that I have 2 amazing girls. What do I want to wish for them? A career? A family? A bit of both? I don’t want them to waste their life away wishing for things or being lazy but I also don’t want them to spend every night worrying about their jobs or the next set of exams or meeting deadlines or just having enough money to do the things they love. The main thing I do wish for them is to be happy and healthy and kind.