Tuesday night fright!

On Tuesday evening, I get a call from my grandmother asking me to come down and visit or stay for a few days.  I almost never get a call from my grandmother.  With my grand dad being ill and my grandmother not being so well herself, this was a scary phone call to get.  I immediately said yes.  After speaking to mum, I slowly got round to realising that there was nothing immediately wrong but we hadn’t been down with the girls in ages and they all just missed seeing us.  Also, if my grand father has chemo, I don’t think the girls are allowed to get too close to him.  Either way, lots of people say that you get very weak once the chemotherapy treatment starts o lots of rest will be needed.  Plus the younger one has a cough and cold nearly every other week so I don’t want my grand dad getting any of that.

However, I have still been able to do my work. I took my laptop with me. Especially as month end is approaching, I need to get all the work done on Friday ideally or at least by Monday.  When I think about the work I have to do, there’s not that much but when I get down to doing it, the time just goes.  But sometimes, the work is not all chargeable.  If I’m looking at how to do something or just trying out say a new accounting package or a new way to do something, it takes time but I can’t really charge for it.  That’s one of the worst thing about working for yourself.  If I add up the hours I’ve spent working this month when I have felt overwhelmed with work, it doesn’t actually add up to much.  So then I think where has my time gone?

There’s the house work which I am streamlining and I know how long it takes.  Cooking is another ball game altogether.  It takes so long!  However, even after taking all that into account, I should still have enough time to do my work.  I do spend some time on social media but its usually in between waiting for things to open or process and I go on my phone for 5 minutes (or so I think).  That is the only thing I can think of that is taking my time.

If that is the case, I can work on that and set times as to when I do that. But I do think that is not fully the whole case.  Maybe its’ the kids, every few minutes when I try to work with them around its, ‘I want this, I want that’ etc. And then there is the belief that I don’t actually work as I work from home, so people just phone for a chat or pop round as they were passing by.  Obviously, when there is a need to put family life before work, its an advantage with my grand father being ill or trying to toilet train the little one but it doesn’t work all the time.

Now that I’ve written all this down, I can see that it is mainly a case of trying to balance family and work. I guess at the moment my priority seems to be family even though I want to work more and earn more. Oh well, its all a learning curve and I guess I need to think about it and do what is right for me. No one else can really tell me what to do with my life and what will and won’t work.

Just a random quote for this week that caught my eye:

Be kind
Work hard
stay humble
smile often
Keep honest
stay loyal
travel when possible
NEVER STOP LEARNING
be thankful always
And Love

Confused!

Some days I have lots of time and other times I don’t feel I have enough time in the day to do everything.  It is usually when I don’t have enough time to do everything I start to question everything that I do.  It’s amazing how much of my life, is so driven by money.  Especially now that we have more or less decided that our oldest daughter is going to private school for at least 2 years. We need the money now but in order to earn enough money, I feel like I’m constantly working.  But because I’m self employed I have to keep a timesheet and it almost doesn’t seem worth it.  I just feel like a busy fool!

A few weeks before going on holiday I accepted another work contract but ever since then,  I am working til late into the night and I don’t seem to have time for my kids which was the main reason for working from home.  I feel like I’ve almost defeated the purpose of working from home. I think maybe my charge out rate is not that much so I don’t even feel that working all these stupid hours is worth it.  It would be so much better to work for someone else doing part time hours and then once work is finished that’s the end. No late nights working!  Surely a salary would be better than an hourly rate.

Once I’ve finished the work I’ve accepted for the third contract, I am thinking of saying no to more work and maybe even consider asking for an increase for my other 2 contracts.  On top of that with my grand parents being ill, I have also offered to help out when I can for my mum which is nothing really because I don’t really live that close and they have only asked for my help once so far.  But I like to be available in case they do ask. I want to help.

With all this going on I really start to question what is the point of doing anything?  What is the reason for being here? And surely you should do stuff to make you happy.  But what makes me happy? If can stay awake long enough to think of answers to all these questions, maybe I can change my life a bit.

I’m writing this blog listening to my kids emptying out another box of toys and creating more mess and havoc for me to clean up! Here’s my confused quote for the weekend:

“Eventually, all the pieces fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment and know that everything happens for a reason…” – Albert Schweitzer