My attempt to stop breastfeeding – Day 5

Last night we stayed at my mum’s house.  My older daughter slept with my mum as usual and I slept with my younger daughter.  It was a different bed, different house, a different environment so I was a bit sceptical as to how she would sleep through the night.  My younger daughter fell asleep quickly which was good especially as she didn’t have a nap in the afternoon either.  By 7.10pm she was fast asleep.  But then she woke up an hour later and it took me over half an hour to get her back to sleep again. It was past 9pm when she fell asleep again. 

In the night she woke up once and cried a little but she fell asleep again very quickly.  Then at 6.30ish she woke up and cried. I tried to put her back to sleep but without any success.  She would lie down and pretend to sleep for about 10 seconds and then she would lift her head up and laugh at me.  It was so cute!  I gave up trying to get her to sleep and her took her down for breakfast instead.

My attempt to stop breastfeeding -Day 3 & 4

Day 3 was similar to day 2 in that she woke up a few times in the night but went to sleep quickly with a bit of rocking and cuddling And the older daughter somehow ended up in our bed too.

Day 4 was different.  My older daughter stayed over with her cousins is I just had the younger one to deal with which was nice. Or so I thought!  For some reason, it took me over an hour to get her to sleep.  Every time I tried to put her down, she woke up crying.  Once she fell asleep, she was fine until I came up and possibly woke her up and then I think she slept til 6.30, woke up for a bit and then fell asleep again til 7.30 again.

Hopefully, we’re getting there and she will start sleeping through the night.  I’ll have to see how tonight goes.

My attempt to stop breastfeeding – Day 2

So last night I was hoping my husband would be home to help out but it was ok because I did it!! I just about(!) made it through the night without breast feeding. So like yesterday, I rocked her to sleep while listening to music, at about 7 and she fell asleep at about 7.30ish. An hour later she woke up so again I rocked her to sleep.  The music was still on and within 10 minutes she was fast asleep again. A lot faster than yesterday which was a bonus. 

At 9.30, my older daughter woke up, so I had to put her back to sleep in her room. At about 10pm, I decided that I wanted to go sleep and lay down next to my younger daughter.  At a quarter past ten, my older daughter woke up again and I told her to come into my bed and go to sleep. (Not good practice for the long run but easy life for now). Eventually we were all asleep. 

At some point in the night, my older daughter woke up, ran out the room and started asking me where I was.  I said I was in my bed next to her and to come back. She was bawling her eyes out and in tears but luckily the younger daughter slept through all of this. About half an hour later, she finally settled and we went back to sleep. 

At about 2.50am, the younger daughter woke up and this time luckily my older slept through this.  The younger daughter started bawling her eyes out.  I switched the music back on and rocked her while sitting in the bed.  I think this is the time, the night before when I started breastfeeding. Last night I persevered and eventually she fell asleep. Not too sure how long it took her to fall asleep but I don’t think it was that long and then she slept til 5.30am. After that she was awake and hungry.  We went downstairs and got her some warm milk and then about 6.30, she fell asleep again for another half hour by which time, my older daughter was awake and desperately needed a poo!

My attempt to stop breastfeeding – Day 1

I am so glad that I was able and I did breastfeed both my daughters until they were one. However, my youngest daughter is now one years and 5 days old and still I haven’t managed to stop breastfeeding her through the night. I know its ok to carry on breastfeeding after they are one but I want to stop. Up until last night I was feeling fairly ill and didn’t really want to deal with sleepless nights. But last night I made the first step and gave it a go.

It took me three times from 7pm until 10pm to pick her up, cuddle her and rock her to sleep while she was bawling her eyes out. At 11pm, I decided to go sleep too with her. Then at some point between 11pm and 2am, my older daughter came in and climbed into our bed. Also, at some point between 11pm and 2am, my younger daughter woke up and to keep her quiet (and to not wake the older daughter up), I started breastfeeding the younger one. However, at about 2.30, I had to wake up and rock the younger one back to sleep anyway. And then from 3am to 7am, she slept. On my arm but she still slept!

I’m going to try again tonight. Tonight I will have my husband at home too, so he can deal with the older daughter if she wakes up and I will hopefully get through the night without breastfeeding.

My favourite poem since having my second baby

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship.
Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.
And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you.
I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, Please love only me.
And I hear myself telling you in mine, I can’t, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you.

I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared.
A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty.
I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying her – as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine.

The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.
There are new times – only now, we are three.
I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you – as I have for so long.
I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.
And I begin to realise that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you.
I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.
And my question is finally answered, to my amazement.

Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.
And although I realise that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.
I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.