Blogs

My 5 desires

When I was doing reiki and thinking about what I wished for, I eventually managed to narrow it down to 5 things. These are:
1. More money for working less hours. Definitely want to work less hours.
2. Spend quality time with the girls.
3. Cook
4. Exercise
5. Relax (which covers chilling with husband, on my own or going out)

And in a nutshell, that’s it! That really is it!

I have a massive to do list but the rest of the things on there are not that important. At the moment though, work seems to be taking over my life and I hate it. I stopped doing one contract because I was working till late at night but it still doesn’t seem to have changed. I’m still working till late at night. Maybe it’s just this month it’s just been really hectic with travelling to Walsall and appointments and stuff. I don’t really know. Next week’s going to be the same though.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” Steve Jobs

Tuesday night fright!

On Tuesday evening, I get a call from my grandmother asking me to come down and visit or stay for a few days.  I almost never get a call from my grandmother.  With my grand dad being ill and my grandmother not being so well herself, this was a scary phone call to get.  I immediately said yes.  After speaking to mum, I slowly got round to realising that there was nothing immediately wrong but we hadn’t been down with the girls in ages and they all just missed seeing us.  Also, if my grand father has chemo, I don’t think the girls are allowed to get too close to him.  Either way, lots of people say that you get very weak once the chemotherapy treatment starts o lots of rest will be needed.  Plus the younger one has a cough and cold nearly every other week so I don’t want my grand dad getting any of that.

However, I have still been able to do my work. I took my laptop with me. Especially as month end is approaching, I need to get all the work done on Friday ideally or at least by Monday.  When I think about the work I have to do, there’s not that much but when I get down to doing it, the time just goes.  But sometimes, the work is not all chargeable.  If I’m looking at how to do something or just trying out say a new accounting package or a new way to do something, it takes time but I can’t really charge for it.  That’s one of the worst thing about working for yourself.  If I add up the hours I’ve spent working this month when I have felt overwhelmed with work, it doesn’t actually add up to much.  So then I think where has my time gone?

There’s the house work which I am streamlining and I know how long it takes.  Cooking is another ball game altogether.  It takes so long!  However, even after taking all that into account, I should still have enough time to do my work.  I do spend some time on social media but its usually in between waiting for things to open or process and I go on my phone for 5 minutes (or so I think).  That is the only thing I can think of that is taking my time.

If that is the case, I can work on that and set times as to when I do that. But I do think that is not fully the whole case.  Maybe its’ the kids, every few minutes when I try to work with them around its, ‘I want this, I want that’ etc. And then there is the belief that I don’t actually work as I work from home, so people just phone for a chat or pop round as they were passing by.  Obviously, when there is a need to put family life before work, its an advantage with my grand father being ill or trying to toilet train the little one but it doesn’t work all the time.

Now that I’ve written all this down, I can see that it is mainly a case of trying to balance family and work. I guess at the moment my priority seems to be family even though I want to work more and earn more. Oh well, its all a learning curve and I guess I need to think about it and do what is right for me. No one else can really tell me what to do with my life and what will and won’t work.

Just a random quote for this week that caught my eye:

Be kind
Work hard
stay humble
smile often
Keep honest
stay loyal
travel when possible
NEVER STOP LEARNING
be thankful always
And Love

Confused!

Some days I have lots of time and other times I don’t feel I have enough time in the day to do everything.  It is usually when I don’t have enough time to do everything I start to question everything that I do.  It’s amazing how much of my life, is so driven by money.  Especially now that we have more or less decided that our oldest daughter is going to private school for at least 2 years. We need the money now but in order to earn enough money, I feel like I’m constantly working.  But because I’m self employed I have to keep a timesheet and it almost doesn’t seem worth it.  I just feel like a busy fool!

A few weeks before going on holiday I accepted another work contract but ever since then,  I am working til late into the night and I don’t seem to have time for my kids which was the main reason for working from home.  I feel like I’ve almost defeated the purpose of working from home. I think maybe my charge out rate is not that much so I don’t even feel that working all these stupid hours is worth it.  It would be so much better to work for someone else doing part time hours and then once work is finished that’s the end. No late nights working!  Surely a salary would be better than an hourly rate.

Once I’ve finished the work I’ve accepted for the third contract, I am thinking of saying no to more work and maybe even consider asking for an increase for my other 2 contracts.  On top of that with my grand parents being ill, I have also offered to help out when I can for my mum which is nothing really because I don’t really live that close and they have only asked for my help once so far.  But I like to be available in case they do ask. I want to help.

With all this going on I really start to question what is the point of doing anything?  What is the reason for being here? And surely you should do stuff to make you happy.  But what makes me happy? If can stay awake long enough to think of answers to all these questions, maybe I can change my life a bit.

I’m writing this blog listening to my kids emptying out another box of toys and creating more mess and havoc for me to clean up! Here’s my confused quote for the weekend:

“Eventually, all the pieces fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment and know that everything happens for a reason…” – Albert Schweitzer

Who Do You Think You Are?

Ever since having babies (4 years ago now!), I keep thinking about this! This blog puts it into words so well.

7 Questions to find your Life Purpose

I found a list of questions that I had written down, obviously from somewhere but not sure from where now but I thought I would make this blog a series of questions and answers. So here goes:

1. What were you passionate about as a child?
I have no idea. I used to love reading and I would carry a book around everywhere. I would almost feel lost without a book in my hand or in my bag. It’s strange considering this that I didn’t go into a more literary field. I also loved organising and arranging things. What a random thing to like but I would organise my desk first before I would start any work. I also loved making things out of boxes, scrap paper, clay type thing. I like Maths too which is why I went into accounting. I loved solving problems and I was good at doing it.

2. If you didn’t have a job, how would you choose to fill those hours?
Reading and watching films and doing yoga and cooking and cleaning. Easy!!

3. What makes you forget about the world around you?
Reading a good novel and not watching the news. The news always has bad news and it freaks me out and makes me wonder why we live in this world. It feels like we are on a verge of a great apocalypse. Constantly. I think I would hate to be a newsreader.

4. What issues do you hold close to your heart?
Women’s rights and education especially for girls.

5. What kind of conversations do you have with your closest friends?
Talk about our kids, random jokes, keeping fit.

6. What is your bucket list?
Not sure what that is but for some reason it makes me think of a KFC bucket!
I just googled it. So it’s a list of things you want to do before you die. This isn’t a definitive list as it is the first time I’ve thought about a bucket list but for now, here it is:

1. Read all the goddamn books I keep buying before I die!
2. I’d love to do a 10k charity run for cancer as it has affected so many people I know. But actually run it and not walk it.
3. I’d love to experience a sun rise on a beautiful beach and also go stargazing.
4. Publish a book.
5. Go on a meditation retreat and/or a yoga retreat.

7. If you had a dream, could you make it happen?
I’d like to think I am but it keeps changing and I get side tracked with other things especially kids but that was part of my dream so I don’t know. I even got side tracked answering the question!

I’m not sure that by answering these questions, I’m going to find my life’s purpose but it’s interesting. While researching the bucket list, I found this quote:

Be the change you want to see in the world.    Mahatma Gandhi

Tooth Fairy

On Tuesday, my daughter had an assessment for the local private school and she got offered a place, at least verbally. We’re still waiting for all the paperwork to come through though. At least she’s got a school to go to in September, so that’s a relief. I think we’ve almost given up on the school appeal working.

Last night I asked my daughter what she wants to be when she grows up and she said Tooth Fairy! I’m so glad we’re paying for her education. Money well spent! Although she did say she wanted to be a teacher too and a tooth fairy at night. I suppose being a tooth fairy is quite expensive, regularly leaving a pound or more under a pillow. I’m not sure a teachers salary will be enough but she has to fund this hobby(?) somehow! I’m also not sure what she’s going to do with the collection of teeth she will have built up but I guess she hasn’t really thought that far ahead.

My mum lives in another town, about an hour away and last week, she was in a lot of pain with her stomach. So I suggested I could do distance healing Reiki on her, just to try and she agreed to it. After I did it, I called her up again and my mum was saying that the pain had gone down a lot. It was unbearable when she started but after the treatment she felt she could move around again. I was amazed as well. I did it again in the evening, before she went to sleep and the next day, she said she felt a lot better. I’m still a bit wary of it but I’m so glad it worked. Then again, my mum’s my biggest fan! Only child of a single parent and all that jazz!

My grandfather seems a lot better too. For as long as I can remember, he has done yoga. Even before he got really ill, he was doing yoga and the doctors have said that because of it, he is so strong and that he is making good recovery and that they can consider further surgery. It was nice talking to him this week. It always is good to talk to my grandfather. He’s quite inspiring but I might leave that for another blog. There’s always so much to think about after talking to him!

My quote for the week, based on my daughters career aspiration:
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde

To My Precious Children, from Your ‘Stay at Home’ Mum