When I was younger I used to think about this a lot. Who am I? The usual teenage angst. However, watching Dexter has made me revisit this again. Obviously I’m half my mum and half my dad. There’s no question about that. But my parents are divorced. I’ve not seen my dad since he left us when I was 8. I know almost nothing about him. When I compare my self to my family, I compare myself to my mum and grandparents and even my aunt. I don’t think there is anything about me that’s like my dad. But I’ve got kids now. Half me and half my husband and I compare them to their grandparents but what about my dad? Obviously they’re their own people as well but I wonder if there is anything about my dad in them. I hope not but who knows?
I wonder if my dad didn’t leave whether I would be the same person. Would I still be an accountant? Would I be married with kids? Would I even have the same friends? I don’t expect an answer to this. I’m not even sure where I’m going with this but I wonder what it is that make me, me? Am I even the real me?
I’ve got two quotes to end this blog:
“Identity cannot be found or fabricated but emerges from within when one has the courage to let go” – Doug Cooper
“Always be yourself unless you can be batman, then always be batman.” Definitely like this one!
It’s Good Friday and I’m back on my blog! The kids have gone to their grandparents for the night so I am free! Although I still got up early, faffed around a bit and then did some work. I took the girls and nieces and nephews bowling and pizza yesterday as they were all on half term. Got it over and done with early in the day and then just chilled for the rest of the afternoon and evening.
I did have a bit of a fright last weekend though. My youngest daughter disappeared for at least 15 minutes although it felt like 15 hours. I think I’ve only just got over it. I’m not even sure I have. It’s made me question everything about being a mum and where did I go so wrong. I’ve written more on here http://www.accountingweb.co.uk/blog-post/youngest-runs I’m glad she’s safe and I’m going to do more to make sure they will always stay safe.
I think I’m always trying to do everything and I need to chill out, decide what’s important and just focus on that. Kids and work in that order. Everything else can wait if need be or I can do it when I do have free time. My fasting didn’t go so well this week, mainly because I took the kids out on the day I fast! Not clever thinking on my behalf.
Quote for the week:
‘We mum’s rub of on our girls. Over time, our way of thinking becomes their way of thinking. If we want to raise kind daughters, we need to start being kind mothers.’ Anonymous
It’s Friday! I almost forgot to do this post! The routine I had planned went out the window this week. I had set my alarm clock for 5.30 every morning but only managed to wake up once.
Monday, I snoozed my alarm clock, it is Monday after all!;
Tuesday, my youngest woke up so ended up trying to put her back to sleep;
Wednesday – I went Bikram Yoga so I had to get up;
Thursday, for some reason I was awake at 2.30am and didn’t fall back asleep again til after 5.30;
and Friday, I woke up but didn’t do anything useful and just lay in bed.
Oh well! Start again next week. I can’t wait til the girls start sleeping through the night and stop being scared of everything in the dark. I feel a bit not with it to be honest. Bad news just seems to keep coming through but not ready to talk (or blog) about it yet.
As usual, I thought I’d end this blog with a quote:
‘Happiness is not a station to arrive at, but a manner of travelling.’ Margaret Lee Runbeck
I’ve started writing this in almost pitch black at 9.30 am as the eclipse takes over any natural form of light! I am interested in the eclipse but without the special eclipse glasses I’m too scared of it damaging my eyes so I’ve got the TV on in the background.
Starting to get into a bit of routine but its not perfect and while the girls are still small, I don’t think I ever will. I still don’t feel like I’m doing as much exercise as I would like to but I am fasting on Thursday which is, if nothing else, helping with my self control which sometimes spills over into the rest of the week and I’m not getting tempted to snack as much. Today I got up at 5.30 to do some yoga and it felt good and most days I’ve been naturally waking up between 5.30 to 6 so I’m thinking of making that into a bit of a routine.
I didn’t go to Bikram yoga over the weekend and I missed it so much. When I got back to class on Wednesday I felt like an addict, I couldn’t wait! At the moment I’m only going in once a week and the weekends if I’m free but with getting busy with work and changes in class timetable I guess I will have to be happy with once a week! I really love Bikram yoga and I really wish had more time to do it more often. I never want to stop going.
I mentioned I got my phone upgraded last week. The phone I got was Samsung note 4. I like the big screen and the big size in general and for everything except answering the phone it is brilliant. I just need to get used to have such a big phone on my ear. I don’t really use the note part as I have Evernote but I plan to download some kids films which should be useful in emergencies!
Anyway, a quote from my yoga (Mandy Ingber) DVD:
‘If I want to make a change in my body, it starts with a change in my mind’ or something like that.
It’s Friday mornings again and I’m blogging! So that’s 2 Fridays in a row. That’s got to be an achievement.
I’ve decided that if I really want to lose weight and have a flatter stomach, I need to really step up my exercise and dieting. No more excuses. So I’ve tried to incorporate a little bit of exercise every day. Thought I’d wake up early and do the exercise but the first day I did that, the girls decided to wake up too and then trying to get them ready for nursery and then do exercise didn’t really work plus because they woke up so early, they were grouchy too. So I’m still trying to fit my exercise as and when, no routine there yet.
The dieting part is the hardest part for me. I don’t even know why I snack sometimes. It’s just there, but if its not there, I still look for something else and crave for something nice to eat. The worst part is when I’m feeding the girls, I sometimes pretend to eat but other times I actually eat it or I eat their left overs. However, for the first time since I’ve been pregnant with my eldest daughter I fasted on a Thursday. I use to fast on a Thursday quite often before I had kids. I didn’t tell anyone I was fasting today. Part of me was like if I don’t fast then its ok, I’ve not told anyone and part of me was like, I might get talked out of it if I tell anyone. But I did it and I’m quite proud I did. I thought any ounce of self control I may have had, had gone since I had kids. Plus, I kept thinking I might faint if I don’t eat and that didn’t happen either!
Anyway, got a new phone so I’m off to play on that. Here’s my quote for the weekend:
“Risk is your only chance of really living. Safety is a fatal illusion; a slow-motion dream killer.” Bryant McGill
It’s been a while since I blogged and I didn’t even manage to complete the blogging 101 course but I’ve decided that I’m going to try and blog every Friday mornings. I’ve got nothing new to say really nor have I got a theme for the Friday morning blogs but I am going to attempt to blog every Friday’s at least, even if it is a short post.
I’ll start off with an update. I’m still attempting to do juicing, not as religiously as I used to but I’ve got my favourites and I do those whenever I can. Although I would like to try some vegetable or green juices. I’ve recently acquired a desk in the corner of the kitchen which seems to take over the whole of the dining area – an area originally dedicated as a play area for the girls so I’m feeling a little guilty about that. I’m still not sure if I like the size of the desk, it feels massive!
I’m hoping to do the blogging 101 in the future some time this year and as they have it every month, hopefully, I will find a month I can carry on. The Bikram yoga timetable has changed a bit which has left me free on a Friday morning. I do plan to do some of my own exercise but I need to get myself into a routine first. I haven’t completely stopped Bikram Yoga but I am enjoying having the Friday morning free to myself. I think if I cultivate little habits, then eventually it will turn into a routine.
To end this blog, a random quote just because I want to!
‘ Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy.’ Saadi
I want to remember this especially if either of my daughters ever become mathematicians!