If I could rewind the last 3 years before my second daughter was born, I often think how I would do things differently. After my first was born, I was so happy and everything went really well. Obviously there were times when we had to take her hospital and other worries like that but in general, the day to day of having a daughter went really well. I was quite lucky in that my daughter slept well most nights. I was fairly organised and my first child had let me remain organised. When I was pregnant with the second child, I read lots of books and had brilliant ideas on how to deal with two children and how to time everything so that I can deal with all the feeds, nappy changing, bath times and mum and baby groups.
And then she was born.
Baby number 2 was how all the bad things I read about being a mum started coming true. This is when I stopped recognising myself, when I started losing my cool, calm and collected demeanour, when being a mum stopped being all pink and rosy. This is when I wanted to spend all my time crying and whenever anyone told me I was doing an amazing job, I wanted to hug and thank them.
So how would I do it all differently? I know what I would have liked. I would like to remain cool, calm and collected and have fun with the girls. Although, looking back, there were times when we had fun in the garden and just generally playing with them both. But the shouting and the frustration, I would like to change that. Not sure how but I would like to be calmer and more chilled out. I can only try and be that now which is better than nothing.
This is the new plan. I’ve started recognising my trigger points as to when and what sets me off. My next step is to start changing that or at least stopping myself from shouting. Let’s see how that works out.