Confused!

Some days I have lots of time and other times I don’t feel I have enough time in the day to do everything.  It is usually when I don’t have enough time to do everything I start to question everything that I do.  It’s amazing how much of my life, is so driven by money.  Especially now that we have more or less decided that our oldest daughter is going to private school for at least 2 years. We need the money now but in order to earn enough money, I feel like I’m constantly working.  But because I’m self employed I have to keep a timesheet and it almost doesn’t seem worth it.  I just feel like a busy fool!

A few weeks before going on holiday I accepted another work contract but ever since then,  I am working til late into the night and I don’t seem to have time for my kids which was the main reason for working from home.  I feel like I’ve almost defeated the purpose of working from home. I think maybe my charge out rate is not that much so I don’t even feel that working all these stupid hours is worth it.  It would be so much better to work for someone else doing part time hours and then once work is finished that’s the end. No late nights working!  Surely a salary would be better than an hourly rate.

Once I’ve finished the work I’ve accepted for the third contract, I am thinking of saying no to more work and maybe even consider asking for an increase for my other 2 contracts.  On top of that with my grand parents being ill, I have also offered to help out when I can for my mum which is nothing really because I don’t really live that close and they have only asked for my help once so far.  But I like to be available in case they do ask. I want to help.

With all this going on I really start to question what is the point of doing anything?  What is the reason for being here? And surely you should do stuff to make you happy.  But what makes me happy? If can stay awake long enough to think of answers to all these questions, maybe I can change my life a bit.

I’m writing this blog listening to my kids emptying out another box of toys and creating more mess and havoc for me to clean up! Here’s my confused quote for the weekend:

“Eventually, all the pieces fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment and know that everything happens for a reason…” – Albert Schweitzer

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